#Mentoring and #Leadership - How to Find a #Mentor in 3 Steps

I find that one of the things I am asked more often when talking about the role of mentoring in leadership is how to go about finding the right mentor. I believe this is because nowadays people understand the value of mentoring but still find it hard to ask an individual to act as their mentor, possibly because they are worried about rejection or being thought of as time wasters.  

But I also find that these worries are often unfounded as potential mentors tend to be people who love to give back and that is why they attract others as mentees as they naturally inspire and motivate those around them..

 So for those of you looking to enter into a mentoring relationhips, here are some quick and easy tips to follow in order to find the right mentor for your needs.

Step #1   - What do I need a mentor for?
This is the most obvious step and yet often the most overlooked. As in most situations, clarity of thoughts will bring clarity in aims and outcomes.  You can usea simple reflection exercise that I have already introduced in a previous blog to find out and reflect on what a mentoring relationship is going to deliver to you and how and to what extent a mentori s going to improve your leadership skills for the better.  Just so you are not left wondering the reflection exercise simply asks that you answer these 3 questions:

a.       WHAT (do I want)?

b.      SO WHAT (is going to do for me)?

c.       NOW WHAT (am I going to do differently as a result)?

Spending some time answering these questions is going to help you vocalise to your future mentor why the relationship is important and what your expectations are. This in turn will help the mentor clarify whether he or she can deliver on your expectations!

Step #2   - Who do I know that can help?
To answer this question you can make use of any brainstorming tool you may be familiar with, such as mind mapping. Or indeed you can borrow some techniques from stakeholders analysis and draw three circles, each respectively for internal contacts (people in your organisation or in your private friends and family circle),  external contacts (suppliers, organisations or businesses you deal with, clients) and interconnected contacts (such as people in clubs you are member of, whether work or hobbies and interests related, university alumni and so on).

Either you will find that one or two of these people have exactly what you are looking for and thus make ideal mentors for you or you will find that amongst them there are people who know people who can make the perfect mentor for you.

Whatever the case this is an important exercise because it will force you to take stock and think through your network and how you use it.

Step#3 – Approaching and asking
Once you get to step 3 it should be just a matter of asking a simple question, but far from it, people find this final step the biggest hurdle to conquer! Yet do not be mistaken, if that is the case, it means the previous analysis has not been completed with sufficient clarity and depth.

If we assume you have, then you can approach your mentor either by email, face to face or one of the many networking channels at your disposal depending on how many degree of separation there are between yourself and the person . Face to face will always be the best way in my view but if that is not an option as the future mentor is either geographically remote or not a close contact, you can still pop the question virtually!

Always remember to introduce yourself politely, explain why you are approaching them and if they have been recommended by somebody else or they have met you before also explain the circumstances. Ask for a first informal chat or meeting to discuss your needs before expecting them to commit to a full relationship.     Use a little bit of time to build the relationship and see if the chemestry works too.

Once the mentor has agree to a first date, virtual or otherwise, the pathway is open to step up the relationship to a fully fledged mentoring one! At that point the most important rule is to stay committed and agree the way forward as far as meetings’ schedule, length, areas to discuss and so on.

Whatever  you do remember it is mostly up to you, the mentee, to make the relationhip work. If you do, I am certain that you will reap enourmous benefits and enjoyment. Bear in mind that what I have described above is a process to use for informal mentoring, not requiring monetary exchange. Should you decide that you require a professional mentor, you will need to approach the process differently and you can ask me about it directly if interested.

Good luck  with your mentoring efforts, do feedback if you have found this article helpful!

 Alessandra is an experienced mentor, business coach, consultant and strategist. She supports individuals - especially women - and organisations in achieving their potential through customised, outcome driven interventions . You can find out more about Alessandra here and contact her by email here.